you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
third nipple confirmed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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