The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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