and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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