That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
