You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
