Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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