I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
