Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
