i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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