My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
