i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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