would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You took a bar mat shot.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
