You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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