last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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