so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
