you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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