I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
