rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
