I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
