I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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