my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think my mom watched the whole time
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
