Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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