How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
