we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
