she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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