i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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