He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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