I murdered the dance floor call the cops
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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