I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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