I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think my mom watched the whole time
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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