you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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