Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
