Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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