so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
