Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
