There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
