on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
