I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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