I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
