I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
