census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Acid is not a monday night drug
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
