The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
