i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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