Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
