fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
