We are two peas in an std pod
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
