Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
