I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
