Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
