are you still at the devil's house?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
