You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
whose parrot is this?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
