My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I supernannyed him into submission
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
