i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i now understand why vodka
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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