I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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