I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
