i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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