someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
