Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
