You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
