Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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