i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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