I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Did I show you my penis last night?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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