WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
