My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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