we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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