the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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