I faked an abortion last night.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
