There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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