Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
