swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize