i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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