there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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