we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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