ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
