Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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