I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
