hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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