I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
