you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
