Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
