If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
