I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
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im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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