as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
