shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
