dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he puts the penis in happiness.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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