After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
